i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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