Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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