Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
