Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
