We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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