i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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