Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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