I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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