I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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