TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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