Life is so much better after having sex.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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