Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
