its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
