God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
