Im at strip club and am horny
I cannot find my penis.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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