You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
