I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
