After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
