Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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