Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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