So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
