He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My feet surprised me
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