I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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