Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
