new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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