Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
