he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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