How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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