I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ttyl tear gas
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
