I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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