so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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