The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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