just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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