He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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