I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
