I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
