Duck Duck Cougar?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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