I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
someone owes me an orgasm
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
