We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
