she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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