we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
