either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
