Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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