Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
