Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
