Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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