I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
