I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
