there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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