I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
