I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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