we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
