Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
